Make a pact with Fence

I told a lie today.

Simple lie about the way I behave

I just wanted to tell a story

Make it known

Didn’t really think on how the lie may grow

So I told a lie today

Something quite simple you see

A lie that makes it so I have no idea what I am writing and writers block is real people

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I can’t remember me

 

Just another part of the machine allowing to to function

going on about life as though it was nothing

I was different and now I am not

I am one of the group

part of the flock

a follower of the mans word

Someone with a lot of fault

I never meant for this to happen

I just wanted the pain to stop

I do not know how I got this way

It truly wasn’t suppose to be

but I needed a reason to continue on breathing

So here I am, phone in hand

pretending to give a damn about those around me

 

When the sky talks back

I have lost a lot of blood

taken away by those I love

they show they care by beating me bare

putting salt into the wounds

wishful words of contempt

smiles tell me what they truly meant

Say they love me

Say they care

Say that no matter what they will be here

Lies and Slander from thine Queen

Bringing me pleasure from the wipes sting

I crave the sky when it sings

as it blames me for being me

Angels fly on high

With pitch fork wings

just hoping that I die

I love the sound of the singing sky

It reminds me of why I am alive

Why I go on when inside I have died

Because when all is said and done

I know that I am loved by my only son

My little one in the sky

despite the pain

despite the hate

despite that smiles I am supposed to fake

There is someone who cares

Down here it may hurt to feel

I may be judged and hated without fear

I may have the world trying to break me

but way up high

passed the fake angels in the sky

there lies a soul full of love

there lays someone who will never let go

Down here people blame me

they hate me for things I did not know

they pelt me with bloody rocks

then are ask me to forgive

show me words filled with venom

then say they are my friend

I so love when the sky sings

It reminds me of better thing.

That despite all this there is someone who loves

Someone who forgives

Up past the false angels with their pitch black wings

There is someone who loves me and all of my sins.

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The loss of a child is a powerful, traumatic event that many people have sadly gone through. As a single mother to one I feel for them greatly. No matter in what way this child is loss the pain can linger with the families till they take their very last breath.

For all those lost Fly High Little Ones. Your families love you very much. Thank you for watching over them as they go about life.

Drop Dead Reader

There is a whisper in the wind that tells of an old friend. Someone who is missed above all else. Silent and unseen, the words tumble to and fro. Going ignored by those who are meant to see.

Dearest Reader,

I am a work in progress. I allow my world to rule me. I allow the actions of others to decide my fate. This is something I have always done, it is all I really know.

I try my hardest to change but I just keep making excuses to stay the same. For that I deeply sorry. Dearest reader I will not promise to change, because I know that at this moment I can’t, but I do promise to get better. To be better than all of this.

I want to write stories that change the world. And I can, I just need to change myself first.

So here I go. A step in a direction I do not know. Wish me luck dearest reader. I will need it.

Search and Find

What was that feeling I just felt?

The one that made my body shake.

The one that made question fate?

What is it called

When my mind starts to fall

And my heart begins to beat

What is this emotion that makes it hard for me,

To stand on my own two feet?

I can’t seem to think

I can’t seem to find

The answer I know hides so very deep inside

What is this emotion called

When all the world begins to fade

When your very embrace

Makes me feel so whole

What is it called

And why can’t I remember it

Feels like forever since I last had a name for it

When was the last time I felt so alive?

When was the last time I felt I could survive.

In your warm arms I am at home

What is the word to describe  this so.

A/N there ya go. I tried to find the words and I still can’t seem to get it right. This is as close as I am going to get to what I felt when I first met ya.

I was lonely and needed a friend and you were there for me. It made me so happy… it still makes me so happy that I have you in my life. I thank the higher beings everyday for ya. Thank you so very much for all you do and put up with.

Love and Protect

Please have mercy on me

My heart is broken from abuse

Take care to hold it close

Never trust it to another soul.

Please have mercy on me

I no longer know how to love

Hold me close and

tell me that I can saved

Tell me that things will be ok.

Be there for me when I crash

Be there for me when I can’t see through the past.

I promise to be there for you in turn

but for now

Take mercy on me

I do not know if I can do this once more.

I can’t remember the last time my heart was whole.

It has been broken by so many before

Take care to not give it to another soul

They may tear it apart before your return

I wonder what it feels like to love

Hold me close and save me from the pain

Please be there for me when I am to blind to see.

I promise to always be there for you

To cherish and hold

To comfort and love

To please and protect

Just please have mercy on me

And I will show you just how I could be.

Cut and Burn

It burns inside.

The urge to do some harm to a vital part of me.

All the while screaming for some form of release.

‘Someone fucking save me from this hell.’

Yet I know no one will.

I am all alone with a dull blade.

Ready to cut but can’t seem to figure out where.

I want it to hurt

I need it to hurt

I can feel it before I start to slice.

Take awhile to get things right.

Decided to just push with all my might

Since I made them hide the good knives.

Tiles floors splattered red

Favorite place cause the walls always stare

I like to think that this is the only room that care

It burns inside of me now

The urge to cut till I am there

Holding a dull blade against my vitals

Screaming for some release

‘You had your chance to fucking save me’

Though I know no one is there

A cut that is quickly fading

The door tells me what a good girl I am