Dearest Papa

Dearesr PaPa,

Do you even miss me? I spend most of my days wishing all is well for…but I can’t seem to bring myself to finish that half truth.

I don’t wish you well I wish you hell.

You left me when I needed you. No, I take that back.

To be fair, you were never truly there. Just a shadow of what could be. Of what should be.

Dearest papa, do you know how much I have cried.

Bet you would care if I drowned in my tears at night.

I do try, I truly do, to wish you well in your days.

Not My Problem

Do not judge me

I gave up 

I become what they wanted

A body covered in cuts.

We are told that suicide is wrong. That is it the failures way out. I once read a story where of someone attempted suicide they where shipped to an island with other people who failed. There there were no rules and they could either try again or live how they pleased. 

Their records were deleted and their families told they died. I am not sure how the goverment in this book got away with not having to show the body, but they did. 

So on this small island some people did decide to take their lives while other vowed to keep going. 

It was a strange story. As you may assume all hell broke lose until rules were in place. Rape, murder, theft, just your basic chaos happened till they devised their own goverment of sorts. 

Not going to lie, I didn’t get that far into this series. Once I was assured people would try to find some meaning to life I stopped. 

Interesting that this is the part I stopped at. I guess I could have read on once the more darker stuff had passed….but I didn’t.  

I have read two variations to this story. One was a manga and they other a adult novel. Both times I stopped reading once life reached some sort of order. 

I don’t delude myself into thinking it would be perfect. Instead I choose to never give it a chance. I didn’t try to see if it would get better because what was right in front of me only seemed to be getting worse. 

In these books order was found but I just knew that it would change quickly. I knew that someone would grow bored of that life and try to start problems again. What else can happen when you put a bunch of emotional people in the same room. Even if everyone is getting along there will always be that one person who craves chaos. Who has this hidden bloodlust that they can’t get rid off. 
So I stop.

I stop reading and instead give up on the series. I see the dark past and have an understanding of the future. I expect change but it is not the change I believe can help me. 

People might think I am strange for that. They might tell me that I need to stick around and let the story finish. That giving up before I can truly reach the ending it not giving the author credit. But I, as the reader, hold all the power. 

In a story filled with violence, I can choose when it will end. 
So when people look to suicide I do not see what they see. They find a failure, a victem, I see a person who took their life into their own hands. Yes they have left so much behind but they are finally free…at least…that is what they think. 
Now despite this understanding I do not believe that peoppe should harm themselves. I do believe that people should preserve. Giving up on a silly book is easy, but giving in to life is a whole other story. 

We readers hold the power. Our story may be filled with pain. We may not hold all the answers on how it could change. We may not be alone in our suffering. We could be sitting on an island surrounded by people who hate just like us. Emotional husk, beings left to rot. We may have tried to end our lives in the past and have it being held against us but we still hold the power. 

Change may not happen fast enough. Somewhere along the lines there will be thay one person trying to fuck it all up. But we, dear reader, will try our hardest to go on. Not just for ourselves but for those around us who also need a reason to go on. 

Do not ever think you are alone. Do not ever think that you are not worth it. We may not have the lives of writers but as readers we are still so very strong. So very very important. Because without us there is no them. Without us they world would be an even more crueler place.
I understand death. 

I understand wanting to shut the book and call it a day. 

I understand giving up.

I understand it all. 

Without those who suffer this world would not understand.
But fuck me !it isn’t fair! It isn’t fair that people must feel pain so the rest of the world can learn something called empathy and understanding. 
I once read a story where people were forced to live on an island after they tried to kill themselves. Their loved ones were told theu succeeded. Some were probably forgotten whole other remembered often. On this island people died, people were raped, people suffered. Forced to live a life they didn’t want just so they could teach others a lesson. 

It isn’t fair at all. 

I stopped reading that book once things started going good. I didn’t want to see people come along and try to break what was once broken. I didn’t want to see as they healed from their wounds and try again. I didn’t want to see them be happy, for others to try stop them. 

Instead I focused in them surviving. 

Cause in the end…no matter what they decided..they did all they could to make their life theres. 
How unfair is that? 

Killer Instinct: Story Of A Cliche Teen

Jasper dreams rasping behind closed doors

Pretty boys fall in love with unexpected girls

Trouble happens and all soon ignored

Lies get told and told and told some more

Hidden behind a well tamed fist

Tears fall down though more lies about not being pissed

Days flow by and by and by

Truths are told beneath a starry sky

Romance happens to be forgotten again

Lies prevail because that is the truth that sells

Corruption of a good friend is expected now

Someome dies and we crawl towards an end

Some kisses shared a please don’t tell

But of course to be discovered

‘THAT PERSON IS YOUR LOVER’

Kept away to be safe only released because of plot

Devices deceived by a sellout plot

More drama and drama and drama

But then end draws near

Hopeless life is resuced despite our cries

Please just let the stupid bitch die!

What was once ignored, a romance, is now happening before our eyes

Suddenly and suddenly and suddenly see

The heroine we hate (or love) starts to fade

The Hero we crave (or whom disgust) doomed to save

Writes the end but to be continued on another day

 

 

What a stupid teen cliche.

K

In the end I say hello

A dull blade to past the time. 

Don’t worry sinner, I won’t take something that isn’t mine. I know my place at the holy gate. I know that death is a welcomed fate. Yet I can’t imagine how you must feel. Me looking down on you as you choose to do what you will. And here I got shit for giving you free will. 

Yet still I lend a helping hand. Sure it is not always welcomed but in the end, does it matter?

You will come into my light eventually. So what if you suffer a bit. So what if your life is full of pain. I mean, come on, to see me is a win-win. 

A dull blade to past the time.

Crusted blood on tile floors that used to shine. I know you feel bad and you want to end but don’t you know giving up is a sin. 

It sort of sucks if you think about it though. I give you a life yet make it hard to bear. Give you choices upon choices but never will tell you the right  one to make.  So you shuffle through life thinking you are mistake. The one clause given to make it all go away is the very one you can’t even take. Instead I give you sin to test your love. I give you people around you who have the free will to judge. 

I stamp title on your body so people can see. Sure I love you and in the end you’ll have me. But till then stay where you are. It will be ok, I mean maybe…maybe not. In time it will be ok.

A dull blade to pass the time. 

So fondle your blade slowly with tears sliding down your face. I will not take it from you because it is not my place. Instead I will stand here at the holy gate and wait. Wait till the life I made you takes control and ends you or someone else steps up to the plate. 

I am the only one who cares in the end anyways. 

A Petty Poet Poem Production.

I refuse to say sorry for not saying goodbye

I did not say goodbye instead I sat there crying. 

I couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t even think. Instead I cried for what felt like hours until my tears where spent.

Tried to fake a smile and pretend things are going ok. For my daughter I pretened that I am all right with this end. 

But I can’t seem to feel anymore. I can’t bring myself to care. All I have is a liquid heart because what was once there has melted. 

I am not happy with the hand I was dealt and really just want to lie down and give up. 

I Can’t even end this on a proper note. I can’t make a decent beat…im done.

Dandy man

Goody goody gum drops

Is that the way a slut drops?

To you knees, don’t tease me

Only pain will please me.

Please don’t beg, I will slide it nice and easy

Scream until your heart breaks 

Oh yes! That’s the sound that sluts make

Bladed knife so dull, fuck till I am full

Hold against your heaving breast

And make a cross upon your chest

Goody goody gum drop

Is that the sound you make as ayour heart stops

On the ground, your bleeding

Opened eyes yet can’t see me

A challenge a day keeps the sanity away

What is your lifes goal? 

What do you crave more theb anything else? It is to be famous, to have money out the ass, to have the perfect family, to destroy humanity as we know it?

What is your lifes goal?
Me, I want to do all of that. I want enough money to live. I want to be known and not easily forgotten. I want a family, not perfect by any means, but I want THE family. The kind that goes on trips to the nearby forset and pretend it is snazziest place to be. I want the type of family that spends hours at the bookstore getting strange looks by workers and customers because we keep fangasming over everything. I want the type of family that jumps for joy in the middle of a grocery store because someone found a penny that was printed the year they were born. Yes THAT family. 

I want to destroy this world as we know it. Not by bombs and zombies. No! I want to destory this world by words alone. I want it so that when you look at your neighbor you can’t help but want to say hello. I want a bully to look at their friends and scream stop before it is to late. I want someone to see a person on the street and not have to fight the urge to help them. Why? Because they have already handed them a bag of food and maybe se toiletries. 
I want ro destroy humanity with large amounts of kindness. 
My lifes goal is to change people. To change minds and circumstances where people may not have originally survived.  I want world peace but in that way others think of it. No there will still be hate and disgust but they way it is handled would be different. Forget the purge, let us have a day of where Fight Club comes alive. Beat the holy shit out of your neighbor one day and on the next be trying to figure out to cook hamburgers without burning yourselves. 

A challenge a day keeps the sanity away though. 

It won’t be easy at all. People will be hurt in the process and sure enough lives will be lost. 

That is my lifes goal though. So tell me, what do you hope for? 

So when thinking of a theme, again, I started to look back on stuff. I am not good at staying on task. I get side tracked and forgetful when I have plans in place. I first decided to just go with the flow. This time I think I will have a theme…I will just not tell anyone about it. Muhahahaha