Impressions

I do not hear voices I hear impressions. Emotions without words. I can feel it all bubbling behind my eyes. I don’t see figures but I get the sense that someone is watching me. I can feel them follow me. I can there eyes and every blink they make is registered in my mind.

But no

I do not see or hear people. I never have but how do I explain what I do go through. How do I tell people about my pain? They will judge me harshly and think I am lying. They will take away my daughter and tell me that I am unfit to be her mother. How do I show them that she is the only person in this world I care for. That even as I am fading she is thriving. I give all my enegery to her. Yes, I am dying. Not in the way others may think but in a way that says my body is deteriorating along with my mind. The illness I suffer from is in my head…not in a way that makes it unreal but in a way that shows that it is unseen. I am dying slowly and she is the only thread keeping me intacted. Without her I will die all the sooner.

But how do I ask for help without the world trying to kill me faster?

Advertisements

Pick up the phone

Pick up the phone

By Zoha Lixue

I keep waiting for the call

That will tell me when it is over

Let me know that all is done

The tears

The lies

Is all come to an end

I am waiting for the call

To tell me it is time to live again

To smile

To breathe

Waiting for the call that says

“He is dead”

So my childhood can stop haunting me

Waiting for the day when I am not afraid

When I don’t go to bed

Thinking he is on his way

His plans to hurt my daughter

Give her nightmares similar to mine

I am waiting all the call

That ends it all

The one that will tell me that it is ok

Tattle teller

image

Remember when lying was a sin?
It was about the same time when we discovered the horrors of the words “shut up” or pointing at people.

Remember when lying got us in trouble, but at the end of the day we knew we were loved.
Remember when lying was something we tried our hardest never to do
When things were so much easier if we told the truth.
Remember when we were first told to lie.
‘Don’t tell that lady she has a mole’
‘Don’t tell that person you don’t like them’
‘Don’t tell mom/dad’
‘Tell your teacher we lost your homework paper and you need a new one’
‘Don’t worry, I will call you in sick’
‘Pretend you didn’t hear them ‘

Lie.. Lie…LIE…Lies!
All perfectly good lies.

Sorry I am tattling though.