A friend like me

A/N for some odd reason this posted as a blank page. So lets see if we can try this again.

I wanted to hurt you
So I wouldn’t be alone
Wanted to make you hate
So I wouldn’t do it on my own
I ignored all the signs
That said you where near your end
In my rush to find a like minded friend
I destroyed what made you good
I just wanted someone beside me
Who would suffer as I did
I didn’t see it as a problem
I felt that, overtime, our pain would solve them
I didn’t see you gasp for help
Was to busy cutting you like everyone else
As you lay bleeding in my image
I felt that we could win this
What a terrible friend was I
To live you alone to die
I just wanter you to suffer
Wanted you like no other
But I never wanted to be alone

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Night Bride

Kissing her so slowly
Gripping her so close
Never held a body
After it decomposed
Faithless in the making
The dead makes such a pretty noise
Everyone is watching
But we are all alone
Dancing in the moonlight
My lovely bride and I
Making sweet music in the grave yard
10 years after she died.

How to pass

Midterm season is upon us! As my peers and I wallow in self doubt and loathing for our teachers, let us gather around and try to think of the good in life.

Did I mention I failed my first midterm test?

Yep, I, lover of all things psycho, failed my psychology midterm.

Yet I managed to pass my philosophy test. You know, the class that walks hand in hand with each other as all fated minds to.

Question!

How the FREAK did I manage to fail one yet pass the other when they had virtually the same questions.

I am just baffled by the fact that I royally screwed up on one but managed to conjure up an A with the other. A solid 97% people….97%

Someone explain this!

Ok ok but this post talks about how to pass. Not how to fail so epically that one questions the very reason they breathe.

I would like to point out that I am still passing psychology but only with a B. It was lower after the test but I forgot how low it got and just brought it up to a B. I think it was a low C for a few days.

So how did I manage to pass you didn’t ask??

Well the honest answer is…I have no clue. The B.S answer, and this is the one I am sticking to if family and friends ask, is that I studied my ass off everyday. I asked questioned when need and didn’t use the sources found on Wikipedia pages *chokes on obvious lies* .

Now that spring break is upon us, or ending for some of you, let us go back to our roots of total disinterest in our futures because our caretakers pretty much did everything for. Go out in the world and adult the hardest you have ever adulted before but never lose focus on the fact we all suck before we die. So try your hardest to do all the things.

A/N this is a Petty Poet Verse Advise. Please ignore the rantings of this obvious lunatic and remember that you are valued and loved. Your grades do not define who you truly are as a person. Be proud of who you are and all that you accomplish. Sure you may not always get the grade you want but you still matter. You are still important and no matter what you will make it through this.

From the words of a petty person to the next. You are worth it.

7 Deadly Sins

As a kid I took a lot of personality test. There was a site devoted to them and I spent pretty much all day trying to figure out who I was.

Now this wasn’t your normal ‘Pick a word that best describes you ‘ quiz.

No, this was those quizzes where you tried to figure out what animal best represents you or those quizzes where you got to figure out how emo are you. Personal favorite was me going through all the tv shows to figure out whose personality fit me best. Things that don’t always tell a person who they are exactly. Just fun quizzes that meant the world to me.

Through all of this I took a quiz where it said which 7 Deadly Sin am I most like. I pretty much always got Lust.

I feel like I was a, excuse my language, one bad bitch for getting Lust. Have you seen the representation Lust gets on various TV shows. So that must mean I am somewhat good looking right!?

Well…no. See it wasn’t till I was older that I truly got what the 7 Deadly Sins were…or…are.

It was actually Dantes’ Inferno that set me straight. What a wonderful day that was. 10 years old and discovering sin for the first time thanks to the works of Dante. And by good day I mean I had nightmares for days.

No longer did I want to be associated with Lust. It was scary as hell and I wanted no part of that noise.

I am 24 years old now.

I can’t say that the idea of Lust is anymore appealing but I do know I do have a fatal sin. I know what it is the enemies could use against me.

It isn’t Lust. It was never Lust. It is Envy, Gluttony , and Wrath.

I am envious of those around me. Not to a dangerous point but enough that if people where to read my mind they would hate me. They would judge me. It causes so many problems in my life.

Gluttony. I have a hard time stopping once I have what I want. I cling to it and obsess over it. I must have more and more. I am not good with limits or boundaries and and prone to crossing both to the extreme.

Wraith. My anger can be a ok poison. I am not a kind person when I want to be and it is hard to stop me once I get angry. I will rage for day or even years. I won’t ever forgive or forget.

Now these are my ideas of my sins. These are why I feel this way. I do believe that everyone suffers from all 7 but I also feel that someone people sin in one way over another. Those who are lustful may not always be greedy but they may still live with greed in their hearts.

Much like my childhood fascination with quizzes this may seem silly to some. That’s ok. I am doing this because I know what I need to work on. At least I think I do. These are things that I know that are holding me back in life. I want to change for the better. These sins may never go away, they are already seared into my soul, but at least I have a good idea of where I am going ^-^

Say it with me

I like the words low self-esteem. That makes it seem like there is hope. That one day it can come back.

Now zero self-esteem, that is a different story. That means there is no chance of it coming back without some outside help.

But how can we go about life lacking it and expect others to help us. We are always being told that if we do not love ourselves then no one else will love us. So what if a person hates themselves with a passion, does that mean that they will always be alone?

I like to think that there is a chance they can be happy. It will just take someone from the outside to help them see the light.

She used to be hopeful

She used to try

She used to smile

Once upon a time

A bright future a head of her

But her head in the clouds

She used to be normal

Then she was found

In a backend ally

With her knees on the ground

Surrounded by people

But lost in the sound

She used to be everything

She used to be love

Now she is nothing

Someone we all judge

Needle in her arm

And hate in her heart

How did this happen

What tore her world apart?

She used to be helpful

She used to be wise

She used to be everything

In her loved ones eyes

But now she is found

Laying in the ground

Surrounded by people

But lost in the sound

Of her own imagination

Of her own mistakes

She used to full of life

And now she slowly breaks

Needle in her arms

Blood on her legs

Crawling on the ground

To get away from the people

That roughly surround

She wants to be lost

Stuck in her own sound

Day 3

A book you love.

I love a lot of books so this one will be extremely difficult.

I guess to make it easier I can explain what types of books I love. I am a sucker for romance. Not to say I will not read a book without it but 9/10 I am more likely to reach for a book that has some of romance in it.

I love a good book with a believable plot. That no matter how farfetched it may be it can still seem like reality if you don’t really think about it hard enough. There are some stories where something happens that is unbelievable. I am reading a book where dogs can turn into people. There is no clear explanation of why this happens, only that it does when the dog forms a deep and unbreakable bond with their families. This doesn’t happen for all dogs of course. What makes it somewhat annoying to me is just how easily people accept this. All the love interest are totally ok with their S.O turning into dogs. Like completely ok with this. So far, in the three books I have read, no one has really freaked out about it aside from a group of villains. And who wouldn’t freak out when you have a a group of various breeds of dogs coming at your throat and one just killed your accomplice. He had every right to panic.

The thing is, no one else does.

I also read another book. An amazing book that I love where the main character is an artist who suffers from a mental illness. This illness makes it so he has episodes of extreme anger and distrust. He is extremely promiscuous and wishes others to hurt him even if they do not want to. He is all shades of messed up (ha see what I did there) and needs help. He manages to not only befriend some random good person but have them fall in love with him as well. A seemingly straight guy he so happened to find and bone turned out to be this amazing dude who ends up loving him with all his soul. Now this isn’t a spoiler. You could see this coming from the get go. What I do not get, and can’t believe, is how much abuse this guy is willing to put up with for a guy he doesn’t know. No one in this side of reality does things like that. Especially with everything he put him through. Even I, who suffers from the same disability as the protagonist, would have said duces a long time ago. They are complete strangers and took insta-love to a whole new level.

Now despite these little pet peeves of mine (don’t worry I got plenty) I still love this books and their authors.

I love a book that confuses me. That makes me react. That makes me want to throw it down and scream at everyone and everything. I want to cry, I want to laugh,I want that when I finish a book and look up, I see the world in a different light.

It doesn’t have to happen all at once but a combination of the above must be going on for me to want to read it. There are series I never get tired of and there are others I can’t ever read again despite how amazing it was.

I grew up with Harry Potter being my freaking bible. Where Scary Stories to tell in the Dark truly scared the shit out of me. When R.L.Stine made me question my sanity (I was nearly always in love with the bad guy). All that has crossed into my adulthood. If I am not questioning my sanity after reading a book was it really worth It?

Today I am going back to years beyond and am reading The Tricksters Choice by Tamora Pierce. This is one series I can read over and over again without getting bored and still find something new to love about it.

Maybe I will even write a review for it. Who knows.