Wonder what that is? The feeling of not belonging in a crowd. It is such an awful feeling but I wonder why that is.
Why being alone in a crowd is something to be afraid of. Shouldn’t we celebrate a moments peace? Yet, here I am suffering. Alone is a group of like minded people all wondering the same thing.
Do you even miss me? I spend most of my days wishing all is well for…but I can’t seem to bring myself to finish that half truth.
I don’t wish you well I wish you hell.
You left me when I needed you. No, I take that back.
To be fair, you were never truly there. Just a shadow of what could be. Of what should be.
Dearest papa, do you know how much I have cried.
Bet you would care if I drowned in my tears at night.
I do try, I truly do, to wish you well in your days.
Wouldn’t it be poetic to die of a broken heart?
To just give up when the moment calls for it. No more fighting, no more trying.
Just let it all end.
Allow your heart strings to shrivel up and fade.
It will all be ok.
I loved someone, or at least, I got something close to love for them.
It ended up being a lie.
Everything they told me was just a lie.
Not something small either. They told me they where dying and I believed them. The signs where there that something was amiss but in the haze of love I didn’t see it. Not until it was to late and I had already invested so much into our relationship.
How can someone tell such a lie?
How can someone use someone is such a fashion?
I feel betrayed. I want to hurt them like they have hurt me.
I was told that it could help to write it all down.
To get it out of my system in some way.
At first i thought to make a letter and send it to them.
Instead I will write on my blog about it.
I haven’t been in here in such a long time because I felt like they needed me more. I gave up I loved for them so I will use what I love to return that pain in kind.
I will not destroy them as I so very much wish to. Instead I will have them understand my pain. In my own special way.