Professional Loner

Getting rid of

Unfriending

No longer dealing with a negative person.

A simple story of how lies can destroy a person. Ignoring others and lying to get your way is not nice. It is especially bad to do to a friend. So much can go wrong with a little lie, even if it to save your own skin. Never ever pin mistakes unto others.

I do struggle with something like this. I get angry and take it out on others. Such as when something is bothering me I may yell at people who don’t even know whats going on. Or even I may give the silent treatment to a person who is only trying to help. It is a flaw of mine but the one thing I do not do to others and that is lie. To clarify,  everyone lies, no one tells the truth all the time. That doesn’t mean a person likes it. Now when I lie there are times I don’t know it is happening. Someone could ask me about the weather and I will tell them it is raining when it is sunny outside. Usually this is to people who can not confirm it such as those who live out of the country. The lie doesn’t get me anywhere and after it is said I have this inner conversation where I question why I did that. So, I don’t lie intentionally I should say…

Especially to a friend!

Today someone lied to me. Now this wasn’t a full face lie cause it held some truths.  No this was one of those where the person warped the events a bit. They searched for a problem and blew it out of proportion convincing themselves that I had lied. Now, I have BPD, and am the poster child for ruining a good thing for no clear reason other than I can handle the idea of something going right. Even with that I still admit to my faults.

If I fucked up I will say I fucked up no matter how hard it hurts. The key is to catch me fucking up. If I am getting a good grade in school, and someones praises me, I may unintentionally fail the next few test. Didn’t mean to but it got to nice. Too….everything I guess. I do this a lot and that is my BPD.

Still catch me in the act and point it out and I will admit to it (once I fully realize it of course)

So when this person accused me of doing something I didn’t I was surprised. I didn’t do anything to ruin the day and tried to make sure everything ran smoothly. Yet in the end I was left behind and hated. I was judged for things I had no part in. My words where twisted and used against me to justify their beliefs on what had and should have happened. It didn’t matter that I tried to work through the problem (thank you therapy!) No, all my attempts to rectify what happened was ignored. Ignored because they only wanted things to go their way or no way. So I lost a friend over something so stupid. I took the blame for things I did but was still ignored and accused of committing friendecide. I lead it to being killed even though it was the other way around. It was a new feeling to me and I don’t know how to process it.

I thought writing a bit would help. I am not sure it will and what follows doesn’t really make any sense. But I am trying…I guess.

So to the loss of a friend and the discovery of a new path in life.

I guess I was just meant to be a loner. Wonder if I could make a job out of it …yeppers. Professional Loner reporting for duty.

      Blackened skin covered bone sitting by the altar. A sight which all wishes would disappear as heavy hearts clamour near. Everyone is wanting for something, though the general census is that they don’t know what they want. They just want and want and want. Willing to ignore this painful sight. Willing to pretend that it is alright.

They will sprew lies as they see fit. It helps them sleep at night.

Blackened skin covered bone, weeping by the altar. It is ignored by those who clamour because they deem it unfit to be. Lies sprew forth as they seek. Trying, fighting, for their own dreams.

      Nothing wrong with caring for oneself as long as you don’t forget everyone else. Never ignore the blackened bone cause one day it could be your very own.

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