Pleading lies

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. wipped them away and told me goodbye. Told me to visit, whenever I could. I like to believe that deep down inside, she knew I never would.

I always hated to lie to her but I could not stand those tears. So I turned away, pretend smile on my face, and told her, I’ll be by again some day. 

I wonder if she knew I wouldn’t do it. If she was faking to for the sake of things. The past that we shared and the future she hoped I had. 

She just wanted me to be happy.

She cried and tried to hug me.

Wanted me to be happy despite the path I was walking. 

I wish I could see her now. Tell her, “thank you for pretending”, but I won’t. 

I never will. 

I never liked to see her cry, though her tears where always so pretty. 

Still I want to see her and tell her thanks for believing. 

Cleaning my closet

She  told me she loved me. I do not believe it was a lie. She may have been mistaken but she truly  believed she loved me. I do not really know  why. 

What is there to love about me? 

What could she see?

What part of me made her never want to leave?

I never bothered to ask her. Though now I wished I did.

Maybe if I cared enough to have ask, she wouldn’t have wound up dead.

Not my fault really; though I didn’t try.
When the wash women cried; I did nothing to save her life.

 I knew it would happen. I was there when it did.

Yet I stood there as events unfolded. 

Stood there until she was dead.

I wonder why she loved me…when I couldn’t love myself . 
Guess this something I will never know.

Since sinners burn in hell . 

A/N 
I  love writing but there are times I make mistakes. Especially when I am trying out a new style of writing. I wanted this to be a sort of ballad. I regret to say that this is not it. I was never good at paying attention to poetry rules. I like freestlye best. I want to learn though.

So if anybody out there reading this wants to add some feedback. It would help a ton. 

I don’t have a lot of followers now seeing as I still fairly new to this.

 Still, never hurts to ask.

Sidenote: I failed nearly every Grammar test I ever took. If I happened to pass it; it was only because I didn’t bother to study and just winged it. Winging it got me better grades then when I studied. 

So if there are errors know that it is because I tried to go back and edit things. 

Even sider note. I don’t any clue to what writing style this is so feel free to provide links. 

Download 

Heart beat then it’s gone

Take a breath

 breathe, breathe

Forget it all

March around like you don’t have a song

Flowers falling

People dying

That’s what’s up

Make believe it is all ok

Just another day

Just another way

Fight me on this, I’m ok

Heart beats beats beats

As I run

Face reality pretend it’s gone

People lying children crying

That’s ok

Cause in my mind it’s a blank slate
Music up and thoughts are down

Want to care but don’t know how

Put a smile up and face the day

It’s alright

It will be ok

Think of something as cops go by

Someone else has taken their own life

That’s alright 

Ignore it all  

Forget the light
Music up and thoughts are down

Want to care but don’t know how

Put a smile up and face the day

It’s all ok
It’s not me never me can’t be me

Please stop this burning need

Make a lie turn away blind

Ignore the suffering that’s outside
Music up and thoughts are down
Want to care but don’t know how

Can’t do this on my own

Reality doesn’t feel like home

Shut it out

Welcome bliss

A sanity won’t be missed.