With a blade

Heart never fails me

This is nothing but a warning

Breathe slides by slowly

This is naught but a warning

Canter swifty by

Horses bring about deaths bride

Wrapped in satin

Bathed in light

This is nothing but a warning

To get me through the night

Watches closely listen

Sinners sink to their knees

Bring about a new age

As the bride of death hovers near

Golden hair

Full of despair

Hold your belongings close, for

This is nothing but a warning

I can see the whisper

Can feel it on their breath

This is naught but a warning

Though it means little to me.

As death draws near to see his prize

There is vengence in his eyes

His intent clear for all to see

He is looking…looking

Looking for me

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5 responses to “With a blade

  1. An interesting poem.

    Just a slight critique, and mostly just my opinion, but the line “… but a warning” appears just a bit too often for my taste. That and one typo and that’s my only complaints. Otherwise, I enjoyed the style, the way it moved was really fascinating. Not my forte, but well done.

    • That line was suppose to appear a lot but I will go through it again and take it out at some parts.
      I wanted a pattern with it but I didn’t know if it would really work out that well.
      Thank you for the advice. It truly means a lot to me.

      • Not a problem. I had guessed that was why it was in there as often as it was but I think two of them felt out of place to me. Don’t know which ones but other than that I really did like the story and ideas present.

      • I actually don’t like this one lol. But I put my work here to track my growth when it comes to writing. I would love for people to critique my work and tell me what is good and what needs a little more work. Right now I am trying to find the style the works best for me. Grammar doesn’t matter though spelling does. I am also trying to stay on track of editing but sometimes I get so excited, or frustrated, that I juat push the publish button without checking.
        So thank you, this comment means so much to me.
        Hopefully other will follow suite and say what they like or don’t like.

      • Critiques are the way for us to grow as writers, for sure! I don’t get much in the way of critiques and I don’t give them out much either, but I’m trying to get back into the groove.

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