I’m alone

I’m alone. 

No I don’t want to hear how there is a sea full of people who would love me. How I have a child and thus shouldn’t feel this way. How friends and family are there even though they are far away…

No
Fuck that. 

See no, I am alone. And I will always be alone. 

I have accepted this fate. That no one will ever love me enough to stay. See everyone will leave me, even my own child. 

No!
Don’t fucking lie to me and tell me she will need me even after death. Don’t tell me that I am her mother and she will always be there. That’s a lie and you know it.

Don’t tell me I am pretty, smart, kind, funny…

Don’t fucking lie to me and say I have a good heart. 
I am alone. 

I will always be alone.  

I will always be so fucking alone. It hurts…I hate this…I want it to stop and go away.

I don’t want to feel. 

Rip it out and kill it please.
Don’t lie to me and tell me that some day someone will love me when you don’t even love me. When you can’t even stay. 

Who would love a failure. A disgusting stupid piece of unwanted trash.
That’s all I am. 

That’s all I will ever be.

Don’t lie to me. 

Don’t tell me that I need to stop feeling this way. 

Stop trying to lie to yourself, I am done doing the same. 

Stop it…please.

Stop lying to me
Tell me the truth….

That I will always be…lonely. 

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