Forced nightmare

I remember it all and not a day goes by that I don’t try to forget. Drown my troubles in my own dark vices. Some gaming, music, books…. Drown my sorrows in false realities.  World’s of vampires, of dragons, of magic and passion. Filled to the brim with things they aren’t and may never be.
But why do you continue to force love out of me?
I am trying to move past, in my own special way. So why make me relive it, every fucking single day. Why make me feel pain for not wanting to go insane?
Why make me hide my true feelings for some else?  Why should I when they won’t even do the same for me.
I should suffer for their happiness. 
Forget the horrors they helped give me.
So what!!? Why did I need to pretend to forget? That I don’t have anymore nightmares. That going to the bathroom doesn’t scare me. I can’t work without jumping everytime a person moves to close. Sudden movements scare the shit out of me. People. …people disgust me.
Especially females. Untrustworthy.  I just over feeling like many of them were nothing but useless worms. People who are more then willing to sit there as a child is hurt.

I know better now. I know so much better now.
Doesn’t change that fact that at one point I was scared to do normal things. Couldn’t bath, couldn’t eat, all I did was sleep.
I am getting better. But don’t you dare force love unto me. Don’t you dare try to make me forgive someone who shouldn’t be forgiven.

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