I think every writer has someone they admire. Someone they hope to be like and maybe one day surpas.
We all have them.
But what about those who we envy. Who makes us look at our work and say “is it enough? ”
Who make us want to sit down with those same words flowing through their mind about past works.
Those who no longer inspire us, but instead makes us feel weak. Inferior to what we view as, a great power they hold.
Do you have such a person?
I know I do.
See much of my life has been spent in the shadows. I can always find someone who can do something better than I ever could. People who can draw, people who can paint, people who can write, people who can build, people who can….
Someone is always better than me. If I can’t be perfect on my own terms than I rather not do them at all.
I rather not show the world what I deem is a failure. Because each time someone praises my work, I know that it is a lie.
No my poems are not that great. I freaking suck.
No I am not good with words; I probably need to go back to middle school.
No I am not good at all.
So I stop. I strop writing my poems, even if they relax me.
I stop trying to draw, despite how fun it is.
I stop trying to take pictures, even though it makes me happy
I stop being me because I feel that there is someone better. I escape into this state of mind that no matter what, I will never be good enough.
And I feel alone. I feel very much alone.
But you know what!
In the words of someone I care for deeply, FUCK THEM!
Yes they may do things I wish I could, but giving up won’t change a damn thing.
It won’t make me happy. It won’t make me smile, and it definitely won’t calm me down.
I will be a mess if I gave up the things I loved to please others.
I am doing nothing wrong.
There will always be that one person who does a better job than I. A person I may envy with every fiber of my being.
So you know what? I will write…not for others, but for myself. I will still share my work. I will not allow others to make or break me. I may not be the best but I am an amazing writer. I have the ability to express myself with words.
I may not be the best artist, but I can put a smile on my daughters face. I can make her happy with just some simple strokes from a brush. I can help her bring her imagination to life.
I may not be the best photographer, but you bet your top dollar I will try!
Being the best isn’t everything. Sometimes having having fun brings the most joy, even if you don’t wins.