Insta-gram

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***Warning. This will touch on a very delicate subject for some and could be triggering. This deals with sexual abuse as a child. If you are unable to read about such things please skip over this post. I don’t write about this often so feel free to read my other stories. Thank you ****

As a child I was free
I didn’t have very many dreams
But I could dance and I could sing
I could be just about anything
I was poor though, no money in sight
I remember all those sleepless nights
All those times my family would fight
Trivial things in a child eyes
Things that could easily be solved
Just by being nice
But one day
Careless as can be
I was

Broken

Grace
Fully

I was held and I was hurt
I was told such hurtful words

What I craved

Was
Taken

Away

I become a slave

To there…

To that place

I was 8

When I first learned hate

I was 9

When I first wanted to die

I was 10

When I begin to sin

Cursing through my veins was insane
Try again
Try again
Try it again
I will hurt you
Cut you
Beat you
I will hate you with my whole being
I will make you as broken as me

My grandmother sat there
Heard and didn’t care
Gave me a warning
The night is was near
She knew
She knew

She fucking knew
His intent was to go deeper
But sweet revenge wouldn’t allow that
I was 8
The day I decided to kill a man
I was 9 when I had dreams about doing  it
Over
And over
And over again.

He is alive by the grace of God
He is alive because death would be
Should be
A treat

Suffer he now as time goes on
But

I suffer more
As ages past

I am 22 now
I hate my past
I hate so much
I want to die

I want to take
That putrid worms life

But

I can’t
I
Won’t

There is someone who needs me more.
So suffer the children who must make do

Who must go on
Live and be held by someone who alway knew.
Least time heals all wounds
Go on
Go
Go on
Time heals some wounds.

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3 responses to “Insta-gram

  1. Very strong poem, lots of emotion even in the words. Performed I expect it would be heartbreaking to hear.

    No-one should have to suffer like that, no-one should be able to get away with abusing a child. You are a brave and strong soul to keep moving forward.

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